RAFAEL PALMEIRO NAMED NEW WHITE HOUSE SPOKESMAN
Orioles First Baseman Rebuffs Press Corps With Spirited Denials

Rafael Palmeiro, the first baseman for the Baltimore Orioles who was suspended by Major League Baseball after testing positive for steroids, stunned the worlds of baseball and politics alike today by retiring from his sport to become the new White House press spokesman.Most baseball insiders had expected Mr. Palmeiro to return to his position at first base upon finishing his suspension, making his decision to replace Scott McClellan as White House spokesman all the more surprising.But the plain-spoken Palmeiro impressed White House staffers in his first press briefing today, jutting his index finger in the faces of reporters and offering no fewer than twenty-seven spirited denials in answer to their questions.